After constant struggle in trying to regain control of my material self and failing miserably at it, I have decided to wake up. Chosen to let myself be dictated by, not logic or thoughts, but rather by the unmistakable, all knowing force of the universe. I have decided to just let the warrants of my soul dictate my life force. I have decided to let go of all control I had aimed at having over the material world. I am in an effort to revive my original self, one that I have pushed aside in my goal to improve my material existence. I realized that my non-caring, spontaneous, child-ish, and intuitive self that had dominated my person in my younger days. I have now an idea of what those characteristics meant for me and know that I should have embraced them all along, instead of shaping myself for this world full of uncertainties.
What a paradox it is that I lost my self to only find it again, this time with a lot more respect for it! But, the respect for that self is a result of numerous trials at gaining control of my material self. Now in understanding that the only certainties are, the uncertainty of the material (temporary) world and the eternity of our consciousness. Why would I work so hard to gain control of something temporary and hinder my path towards eternal freedom? Why would I work to fulfill my material being if I could be advancing my consciousness?